


A Second's Time

by ClearSkyBlue



Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Attack on Titan AU, Honestly there is not much to say without spoiling it, Kiho is the ship not Changki, M rated bc it seemed appropriate since it is AOT AU, M/M, it's aot au that's all you need to know, kiho monthly, kihomonthly
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-22
Updated: 2018-08-22
Packaged: 2019-06-30 22:16:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,138
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15760809
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ClearSkyBlue/pseuds/ClearSkyBlue
Summary: Kihyun hated the Scouts Regiment. It was far too dangerous, far too deadly. Kihyun did not know who to get close to. The person he might get close to could end up dead the next day. If given the chance, he would up and leave with no regrets. There was nothing good about the Scouts Regiment. He only joined for Changkyun, and he regretted joining most of the time.Sometimes though, Hoseok made him glad he did.





	A Second's Time

**Author's Note:**

> It's AOT AU. Don't expect rainbows and unicorns.  
> ODM - Omni-directional mobility gear  
> If anything, in context of the real AOT, this would probably take place somewhere in the first season of the anime, bc man it's gotten complicated since then. Also, none of the actual AOT characters are ever mentioned so it's not like it's that important.

“So what’s the plan?” Kihyun asked Hyunwoo. It was early. The sun was beating down on them and the sky was cloudless. The steps of nearby titans shook the area they were in. 

 

Hyunwoo looked around. The roof they were standing on consisted of five units. It was tall enough to look over some of the other roofs in the area and long enough to survey more of the area they were in. “I think this is around the center of the perimeter we were given to clean up,” Hyunwoo said. “We can split up. Some of us take the south side, others the north, and others stay around here.” 

 

The rest of the squad - Kihyun, Changkyun, Hoseok, Minhyuk, Jooheon, and Hyungwon - nodded in understanding. Kihyun grabbed Changkyun’s hand, “Changkyun and I can handle this area.” Changkyun sighed, rolling his eyes. Of course Kihyun would pick the safest-sounding area for them. Hyunwoo nodded.

 

Hoseok moved to stand next to Kihyun. “I’ll stay here with Kihyun.” Changkyun lightly nudged Kihyun on purpose, and Kihyun knew that he had a teasing smile on, so he chose to ignore him.

 

Hyunwoo shook his head, “no, Hoseok, you’re one of our best. I need you moving.” Hoseok nodded. His face showed no reaction, but Kihyun could see by the slight slump of his shoulders that he was not too pleased. He half smiled. 

 

“Hoseok and I can take the south side then,” Minhyuk stepped in. 

 

Hyunwoo nodded, “that’ll be good. Are you okay with that, Hoseok?” He raised an eyebrow.

 

Hoseok nodded. “Yes,” he moved towards Minhyuk, “that’s fine.” 

 

“I’ll stay with Changkyun and Kihyun,” Hyungwon stepped towards the aforementioned men.

 

Hyunwoo nodded, “that’s fine. Jooheon,” he turned to Jooheon, “you’re with me then.”

 

Jooheon nodded with a smirk on his lip, “yes, sir. I love going with the boss.”

 

Hyunwoo made a funny face and shook his head, “don’t call me boss. I’m your leader. Boss sounds so weird.” He shuddered. Everyone chuckled. Hyunwoo cleared his throat, “alright then. Everyone knows what to do, right?” Everyone nodded. “Just terminate every titan you see,” Hyunwoo reiterated, “once you are done, you come back here.” 

 

Everyone got together and formed a circle. They put their hands on top of each other and did a cheer. Afterward, Jooheon started running north, screaming, “let’s kick some titan ass!” before jumping off the building and using his ODM to move in midair. 

 

Kihyun saw Hyunwoo rolling his eyes but smiling. “Stay safe, guys. See you soon,” he ran in the direction Jooheon went. 

 

The remaining five stared at each other. Minhyuk smirked, “bet we can kill more titans than you can.” He hooked his arm around Hoseok’s.

 

Changkyun shook his head, “first, no you can’t. Second, I’m not falling for your little tricks here. Last time we bet on shit like this, I almost died.” 

 

Minhyuk tilted his head, “I’ll do whatever you want for a whole month.” 

 

“De-” Kihyun pulled Changkyun towards him by his wrist before he could finish talking. 

 

“You’re not accepting any bets right now, Changkyun. Now is not the time to,” Kihyun narrowed his eyes. 

 

Changkyun sighed dramatically, “you heard him, Minhyuk. My hands are tied.”

 

Minhyuk snickered and Hoseok rolled his eyes, “Kihyun’s right. Come on, Minhyuk. We have to go. We have duties, too.” He nudged Minhyuk. 

 

Minhyuk unhooked his arms from Hoseok, “whatever.” He smirked, “I’ll get the first titan kill though,” he ran off the roof south. 

 

Hoseok watched him go before turning back to the rest, to Kihyun in specific. He tilted his head and smiled, causing Kihyun’s heart to flutter. “Stay safe. You got it?” Kihyun said softly. 

 

Hoseok grinned and nodded, “I got it.” He left and Kihyun watched him go. 

 

Changkyun patted Kihyun’s back. Kihyun looked at him, and Changkyun smirked, raising an eyebrow. Kihyun rolled his eyes and looked away. “Shall we scout the area?” Kihyun looked between Hyungwon and Changkyun. They both nodded.

 

“Well, we are the Scouts Regiment,” Changkyun said, proudly, as he moved towards the edge of the building. 

 

“Unfortunately,” Kihyun muttered, following Changkyun. 

  
  
  
  
  


The Scouts Regiment. Kihyun did not have much to say about it. He was part of it. Had been for some time now. For Kihyun, being in the Scouts Regiment made his days bleed together until weekdays and weekends were the same thing. There was no rest. No end. All that was done here was kill titans with the hope to study them - to find something in them, their weakness, something that could save humanity, something that could get humanity out of these walls. They had made some progress recently, but they were nowhere near where they had to be. 

 

In the Scouts Regiment, every day was lived like it was the last. Now, more than ever, Kihyun knew that life could change in one moment. Death could catch life in one second and end it. There will never be time to rest and bury the body. A scout had to move on without even being given the chance to let go.  

 

Kihyun hated the Scouts Regiment. It was far too dangerous, far too deadly. Kihyun did not know who to get close to. The person he might get close to could end up dead the next day. If given the chance, he would up and leave with no regrets. There was nothing good about the Scouts Regiment. He only joined for Changkyun, and he regretted joining most of the time. 

 

Sometimes though, Hoseok made him glad he did.

  
  
  
  
  


Like the braggart he sometimes was, Hyungwon landed on the head of the titan once it fell on the ground and bowed gracefully. Hanging from the side of a building by their ODMs, both Changkyun and Kihyun looked at each other and rolled their eyes. They moved up, landing on the rooftop of the building. “Come here before you get killed, show-off,” Kihyun yelled to Hyungwon. 

 

Hyungwon followed command and was soon on the roof facing Changkyun and Kihyun. “That’s my third today. I might beat your record, Changkyun,” he smiled. 

 

Changkyun scoffed, “I don’t even have a record. I’m trying to beat Hoseok’s record of most kills in one day. Someone won’t let me though.” He glared at Kihyun. 

 

Kihyun rolled his eyes, “you’ll thank me later.”

 

“Thank me, too,” Hyungwon added, “I’m risking my life more because Kihyun wants to keep you safe. The nerve.” He sighed dramatically. “Why go for Hoseok’s and not Hyunwoo’s? Hyunwoo’s the best in our squad.”

 

“We start small and go for second best, Hyungwon,” Changkyun smiled. “Shame Ki won’t let me. How am I supposed to reach my full potential if I keep getting held back?” He sighed.

 

Kihyun shrugged, “you have the choice to be apart from me.”

 

“No, I don’t,” Changkyun shook his head, “you’ll still find a way to keep me out of danger.” 

 

Kihyun nodded, “that’s very true.”

 

“How annoying,” Changkyun put a hand on his forehead and tilted his head back, “you’re even willing to not be in Hoseok’s team. Shocking, really.”

 

“Oh boy, here we go again,” Kihyun muttered to himself. 

 

Hyungwon chuckled. “Is he going to go on about you and Hoseok having something going on?” he asked Kihyun.

 

“Possibly,” Kihyun gave Changkyun a side smile. 

 

Changkyun glared at him and turned to Hyungwon, “please, you can’t actually believe that Kihyun and Hoseok are nothing?”

 

Hyungwon scoffed, putting his hands on his hips and rolling his eyes, “Kihyun's far too emotionally dense to have anything with anyone. Hell, he might be incapable of loving and caring for anyone not name Im Changkyun. No offense, bro.”

 

“None taken,” Kihyun shook his head, a smile still on his lips. “Now let's go and find another victim.”

 

Hyungwon nodded, “yes, sir.” He jumped off the side of the building and went on the move.

 

Changkyun stepped towards Kihyun, “you won this round, big bro.”

 

Kihyun looked at him and smiled, “try harder next time, little brother.” They both leaped off together. 

  
  
  
  
  


Changkyun and Kihyun grew up together. Their families intermingled so much that Kihyun and Changkyun did not find out that they were not related until they were ten years old. Even after that, they always introduced each other as each other’s brother.

 

They lost everything together. 

 

Titans demolished their homes and took their families. At least, that was what they believed. Kihyun and Changkyun had not seen their families since the morning of the day of the attack. Kihyun could never forget it. Titans reached their village the day Wall Maria fell in the afternoon. They had no warning. Kihyun and Changkyun had been out by the river the entire day, fishing for a hearty dinner both families would take part in later that night. A neighbor who had been able to run away in his horse was the one who found them and warned them about the titans. He had strapped them on the horse with him and had taken off.

 

Kihyun did not believe he was telling the truth about the titans until he had seen them in the distance, moving towards them. Kihyun still felt chills throughout his body just thinking about that day. It was a miracle that they had survived. Kihyun really did not know how they did, how the horse galloped all the way to the next secure city behind Wall Rose. It was beyond him, and he was honestly shell-shocked the entire way there, so he could not remember half of the trip.

 

Their desperate situation caused them to join military training. Kihyun wanted security. He wanted to be in the inner walls, where he could take care of Changkyun. Changkyun wanted revenge with a side of adventure. 

 

And well, though they both qualified for the Military Police Brigade, Kihyun was not letting Changkyun join the Scouts Regiment alone. 

  
  
  
  
  


“Titan!” Kihyun stopped at a junction where a street met another perpendicularly. A small titan with matted blond hair, protruding eyes, a nose almost the size of his entire face, and deformed teeth was walking towards them. Ugly, Kihyun scowled, like always. He was not sure if it had noticed them.

 

“Ooh, a small one,” Changkyun stopped next to him. “Am I finally allowed to play with the big boys, mommy?” He gave Kihyun a sarcastic pout.

 

“With that attitude? No,” Kihyun answered back. Changkyun actually pouted and Kihyun chuckled.

 

“See, your banter is why we never get anything done,” Hyungwon said. “How has Hyunwoo not scolded your team ever, Kihyun? I never understand.” He shook his head. 

 

“We always have the least injuries,” Kihyun answered, smirking.

 

“Well, that’s because you never join in the action and you never let me either,” Changkyun spoke up.

 

“And everything is left in the poor third member, normally me,” Hyungwon sighed. “If I die, it’s because of you, Kihyun.” 

 

Kihyun shook his head, “don’t be so dramatic, Won.”

 

“Hate to break the conversation topic, but there’s a titan literally right in front of us,” Changkyun said, focusing on the titan.

 

Kihyun focused on it, too. It was a few steps away from being at arm’s reach. “We’re all too chatty today,” he mumbled. “Changkyun, you can have him,” he said. Changkyun gasped. “Hyungwon, go first and distract it. Stay on its right side. Changkyun, go behind him through his left side, and cut through the nape. You know all that. I’ll meet you guys on the roof.”

 

A millisecond later, they dispersed. 

  
  
  
  
  


Kihyun did not like killing anything - not even titans. His track record consisted of one confirmed titan kill and three assisted kills, barely. He had only aided in situations of dire need. He tended to stay in the sidelines, in the areas where he knew that they would not encounter too many dangerous titans. With Hoseok and Minhyuk taking care of the south perimeter while Jooheon and Hyunwoo took care of the north perimeter, Kihyun, Hyungwon, and Changkyun were left taking care of any titans that might have passed through the other’s defenses. It left the action limited, which Kihyun appreciated, though Changkyun did not. 

 

Changkyun liked action, like the adrenaline of killing a titan, craved it like a drug at times. He never cared how dangerous a situation could be. If Kihyun was not there to watch his every move, Changkyun would jump on a titan the second he saw one without telling the rest of the squad. If it was not for Kihyun, Changkyun would be dead right now. He just could not see that. He refused to acknowledge that. That was why he pouted and whined whenever Kihyun told him that he could not go after a titan and stayed by his side, even though he had the full right to not follow Kihyun’s commands. 

 

Kihyun was not the leader of the squad after all. It was Hyunwoo. Hyunwoo did let him act like a leader at times though, which was why Kihyun was so used to spitting out commands and telling everyone what to do. 

 

It had worked so far. No one had been gravely hurt under Kihyun’s commands. 

  
  
  
  
  


The three of them sat at the edge of the roof, watching the fallen titan and the steam that came out of it. “See, I told you I could do it,” Changkyun dusted off his own shoulder and smirked, looking at Kihyun. 

 

“I never doubted you,” Kihyun said, still looking at the titan. It was a rather pitiful sight, Kihyun thought, that thing, motionless on the floor, hair splayed out around itself. Kihyun shivered. 

 

“You should not doubt me less then,” Changkyun huffed and looked away. He stretched and leaned back, using his hands as support. He sighed contently, “blood is rushing through me. I wanna get going. Let’s go!” He straightened up and looked at Kihyun expectantly, with a smile on his face. 

 

“Wait a second,” Kihyun waved him off, closing his eyes. “It’s quiet right now. I want to enjoy this second of silence.” He took a deep breath and slowly let it out. 

 

“Technically, if we don’t see any titans in our area, we should move to other areas and help the others,” Hyungwon said, moving his legs to his chest and hugging them. There was a light tone to his voice, like he was not mad that they were not doing what they were supposed to be doing.

 

Kihyun hummed. He turned his head to the sky, eyes still closed. “We’ll round soon. If we find nothing, we’ll head to the others.”

 

“Which others? Hyunwoo and Jooheon or Minhyuk and Hoseok?” Hyungwon asked. 

 

“Um…” Kihyun thought of the options, though there was already an answer in his mind.

 

Changkyun laughed, “what kind of question is that? Kihyun’s obviously going to choose Hoseok.” Kihyun opened his eyes and glared at Changkyun. Changkyun shrugged, smirking, “what? Am I wrong?” He raised a brow.

 

Kihyun rolled his eyes and turned towards Hyungwon, “we’ll unite with Jooheon and Hyunwoo.” Hyungwon chuckled.

 

“Wow, only pettiness will keep him away from his love,” Changkyun said, shaking his head. “Shame…”

 

Hyungwon was sitting next to Kihyun while Changkyun was on the other side of Kihyun; therefore, Hyungwon had to move his head forward slightly to be able to see Changkyun. “You’re still going on about that?”

 

Changkyun looked at him with wide eyes, “do you seriously not see it?” 

 

“There’s nothing to see,” Kihyun answered.

 

“Hush you, I’m talking to Hyungwon,” Changkyun waved him off.

 

Kihyun gasped dramatically, “Hush m- I’m older than you! You can’t talk to me like that!” Changkyun really had guts, and Kihyun wanted to push him off the building. 

 

Changkyun shook his head, still looking at Hyungwon. Hyungwon was laughing. “Yes, I seriously don’t see it.” 

 

“Not even from Hoseok’s part? I mean,” Changkyun said. He let out an incredulous laugh, “it’s quite obvious that he looks and treats Kihyun differently.” 

 

Kihyun looked past Changkyun to the south area, where he knew Hoseok was somewhere. He thought of the hard look of determination Hoseok had before and during missions and how quickly that look broke and turned soft and caring when he looked at Kihyun for just one second. Kihyun sighed. He missed Hoseok and he hoped that he was okay.

 

“Well that’s true,” Hyungwon nodded, “but that’s just Hoseok, I think - maybe. He would be the person to fall in love on the battlefield, but he also seems like the kind of person to put this fight for humanity over his own feelings. So yeah, I still believe there’s nothing going on between Kihyun and Hoseok. Hoseok might like you though.” Hyungwon looked at Kihyun. 

 

Changkyun slumped and groaned, “ugh, I don’t get it.” Kihyun snickered. 

 

“Honestly, these long talks are the reason we get nothing done. We have them every mission. I’m still surprised we have not been reprimanded for slacking off,” Hyungwon said.

 

“Hyunwoo likes us too much,” Kihyun said. 

 

“Yeah, but not as much as you like Ho-” Kihyun would never let Changkyun finish that sentence.

 

“Let’s go do rounds!” Kihyun released the hooks of his ODMs and swung out of the building. He heard Changkyun yelling behind him, and he laughed. 

  
  
  
  
  
  


The truth was, Kihyun and Hoseok were playing a game. It was an unspoken game. They did not know when it started. Maybe it started in those accidental touches soon after they met. Maybe it was when Hoseok kissed him in the middle of a dark castle hallway in the middle of a mission, or maybe the first time Hoseok bedded him with the bright full moon above them after a failed mission. Maybe before all of that. Maybe the first time they ever looked at each other. The only rule was simple: how long could they keep this up?

 

For how long could they hold hands under the table during supper? For how long could Hoseok hold him to sleep in the nights that kept him wide awake? For how long could they kiss when they thought no one was looking, when only a few seconds of break was all they could have? For how long could steamy nights and hot afternoon filled with lewd noises and skin to skin contact last?

 

For how long could they keep going without getting caught in a compromising position by a higher up - or fully unarmed by a titan?

 

They had no name for what they were. No labels would make them stick together. In this life, you rarely lived long enough to have a label.

 

Especially if you were part of the Scouts Regiment. 

  
  
  
  
  


Kihyun quietly watched from behind a chimney structure. He looked at Hyungwon and Changkyun, who were waiting hidden away in an alleyway for a titan to turn around the corner. They were waiting for Kihyun to give them the signal to attack. After doing a few rounds and taking down a few titans, they were back at the meetup point, and there were still a few titans left. 

 

The titan was too far away, but it was near enough that the vibrations from its steps could be heard. Kihyun could see its face. Its wicked smile will forever be cemented in Kihyun’s nightmares. 

 

Someone landed behind him. Kihyun heard the sounds of their ODM. Kihyun’s breath hitched and he quickly turned around to see who it was. 

 

He let out a breath once he realized that it was Hoseok.

 

Hoseok smiled softly at him as he walked towards Kihyun. He had a head injury. A bit of dried blood was crusted on his face. 

 

Kihyun gasped, “are you okay?”

 

Hoseok nodded. His hand went to touch the dried blood. “Debris hit me,” he explained. “I wanted to make sure you were okay, so I came here for a bit.” He motioned behind him with his head, “the others are on the way. We met up on the way here. I think we’re done with our areas for now.”

 

Kihyun nodded, “that’s good. Did you encounter any abnormals?” 

 

Hoseok tapped the side of his head, where the blood was, and chuckled, “yeah, but it was all taken care off. What about here?” 

 

Kihyun shook his head, “none here as of yet, but there are so many regular ones.” He turned away from Hoseok to make sure that the titan was still heading to where Changkyun and Hyungwon could attack it. “We’re going after that one over there now,” he said. 

 

“I can go after it,” Hoseok stepped next to Kihyun. 

 

“Changkyun and Hyungwon are waiting for my signal,” Kihyun said. If Hoseok went after the titan, then Changkyun would not have to attack. It would put Changkyun out of harm’s way. Hoseok was always better at this anyways. Kihyun trusted him. “But go ahead,” Kihyun looked at Hoseok. 

 

Hoseok chuckled, “okay, I will.” He looked around to make sure no one was looking at them. Changkyun and Hyungwon were focused on the titan. Hoseok leaned close and kissed his cheek, “I’ll be back in less than three minutes.” With that, he ran off and jumped out of the building and towards the titan.

 

Kihyun watched him go and smiled softly. “Please come back.” 

 

Hoseok moved skillfully through the air, like he was meant to fly. Kihyun never got tired of watching him. Hoseok moved from one building to the one across it. He moved so fast that Kihyun could barely keep up. The titan noticed him. It honed its eyes on Hoseok and raised its hand as if to swat Hoseok out of the sky like a fly. Kihyun’s breath hitched. His hands rolled into fists. 

 

The titan swung its hand down but missed Hoseok.  _ Of course _ , Kihyun smiled, _ Hoseok is too professional for that _ . Hoseok got behind the titan and, with a few more maneuvers, cut right through the nape of the titan. The titan fell, never to wake up again. 

 

Once Hoseok was done with the titan, he headed back to where Kihyun was. Changkyun and Hyungwon moved, too. They landed next to Kihyun a few seconds before Hoseok did. 

 

“Hey, no fair!” Hyungwon crossed his arms once Hoseok landed on the roof. “We’d call dibs,” he was pouting. It was cute.

 

Hoseok chuckled, “Kihyun gave me permission.” 

 

Kihyun smiled, “good job, Hoseok.” 

 

“Oh, of course Kihyun did,” Changkyun smirked. Kihyun rolled his eyes. He knew well where Changkyun was going with this. 

 

Changkyun was not able to continue his comment because soon enough, they heard more equipment swish and Jooheon, Minhyuk, and Hyunwoo landed on the other end of the roof. 

 

“Thanks,” Hoseok whispered to Kihyun as they watched the other members of their squad get near. 

 

“Our area is all clear,” Minhyuk said as he neared them. “What about here?”

 

Kihyun looked around. The titans were at the distance. Other scouts were fighting them. “All clear,” he said. 

 

Minhyuk smiled, pleased. Hyunwoo stepped forward. “We should get going then,” he said. He patted the gas cylinders on his sides, “we’re running out. We need to refill.” 

 

Changkyun nodded, “yeah, that’s a good idea.” He looked at the gas cylinders, “I might be running low. Mine stopped for a second while taking on a titan.” 

 

Kihyun turned to him with wide eyes, “you MIGHT be running low and you almost took on a titan like that?!”

 

Changkyun raised his hands, “woah, Kihyun, it’s okay. I don’t know. It only gave out once.” 

 

Kihyun gasped dramatically, “once? Once?! Once is too many. No!” He took a few steps towards Changkyun. “Here, take mine,” he started working to switch the cylinders around. “Mine have to be full. I’ve barely moved this entire time-”

 

“Kihyun, no,” Changkyun put his hands on Kihyun’s shoulders. “I’m fine. We should have a clear path to where we can change the tanks. There is no need to worry,” he smiled. 

 

As if that would have calmed Kihyun down. 

 

“Don’t be ridiculous. You never know,” Kihyun shook his head. “Come on, let’s get moving. Change with me so we can make this ea-”

 

“No,” Changkyun said firmly. His smile fell to a frown. “I am not putting you in harm’s way. I can handle titans better than you can, so it’s better that you have the cylinders to run away while I deal with mine, which might not even be empty.” He raised an eyebrow. 

 

Kihyun glared at him with a pout.

 

“He’s right,” Hyunwoo said. “It’s better that you have it than him. He’ll be able to manage better if anything happens to him.”

  
  
  
  
  


Hyunwoo was always serious. The squad leader. He had been here longer than any of them. It made sense. He was older than all of them by a few years, and the strain from the job sometimes made him look even older. There were wrinkles by the sides of his eyes already. They were the third squad he led. 

 

He saw the first two die mercilessly. 

 

That made him distant at times but also very protective and wise. He knew what he was talking about and it was better to listen to him than to not listen to him. They had a better chance at survival if they did. 

 

Survival was so slim. Hyunwoo was the one who comforted Kihyun the night after the first time they encountered titans. Kihyun saw three people he used to train with die - one after the other. 

 

Kihyun hoped nothing happened to this one. 

  
  
  
  
  


Kihyun nodded then. What Hyunwoo said was normally correct so he rathered not fight about it. “Okay then, fine,” he stepped back and turned to Hyunwoo. “We’re heading to the suppliers then.”

 

Hyunwoo nodded, “absolutely.” He turned towards Minhyuk, “lead the way. Jooheon, follow. Hoseok, behind Jooheon.” 

 

Jooheon and Hoseok nodded, “got it.”

 

Minhyuk nodded with a smirk. He started running through the roof. “Last one there eats the rotten eggs for breakfast tomorrow!” He yelled before jumping off. 

 

“Oh, hell no!” Jooheon screamed before following Minhyuk out. 

 

“That’s not gonna be me this time,” Hyungwon said before jumping out of the roof. 

Hoseok laughed and turned to look at Kihyun with a smile. Kihyun smiled at him back. Hoseok nodded before following the others out. 

 

“And formation lost,” Hyunwoo sighed, “it’s dangerous to play games like that.”

 

“Are you going to stop them?” Kihyun raised a brow.

 

Hyunwoo shook his head, “can I? Sometimes it feels like I’m taking care of children.” He smiled at that. He did not mean it in a mean way. “Don’t fall behind,” he said before he jumped off the roof in the direction the others had taken. 

 

“I saw it,” Changkyun said in a singsong voice.

 

“Saw what?” Kihyun looked at him. 

 

“You and Hoseok,” Changkyun smirked. 

 

Kihyun rolled his eyes, “so nothing?”

 

Changkyun scoffed, “sure, if kissing is nothing now.” 

 

Kihyun shook his head. He did not want to have this conversation now. “Come on, we’re gonna lose them,” he started jogging to the edge of the building. 

 

“Yeah, I know you don’t want to be too far away from your Hoseok,” Changkyun said. 

 

“Shut the fuck up, fucker,” Kihyun glared at him. Changkyun laughed. They jumped off the building together. “We’re nothing.”

 

They quickly caught up with the others and stayed in the back, because Kihyun never liked going too fast and the only person Changkyun wanted to beat was Kihyun. 

 

Changkyun turned his head to look at him, “we’re almost there. You better start preparing your stomach for those rotten eggs!” 

 

“I’m just saving my energy,” Kihyun smirked, “I’ll catch up to you on the last turn. You won’t even see it coming, pea brain!” 

 

Changkyun laughed loudly and forcefully, “I see everything coming, Kihyun!”

 

“Then look ahead, idiot! There’s a turn right there!” Kihyun yelled. 

 

“Huh?” Changkyun looked ahead to see that he was seconds away from smashing into a building, “woah!” He was able to swerve in time to not crash head-on into the building, but he still grazed enough that he yelled in pain and paused on the wall to grab his shoulder in pain.

  
  
  
  
  


Changkyun was clumsy. He was a good soldier with an impressive kill count, but he got injured too often. A mission did not pass where Kihyun did not scream out Changkyun’s name because something happened to Changkyun that could have gotten him killed. He had been thrown against buildings, impaled, grabbed by titans, almost stepped on by titans, and much more. A whole building fell on him once, but he had been trapped under an air pocket and was found a few hours later. Kihyun almost killed him when he was told that Changkyun was alive. 

 

Such instances had earned Changkyun the title of “invincible” amongst the squad. Anything could happen to him and he would be okay. The title had gotten to Changkyun’s head, to the point where he sometimes did not exercise caution when dealing with titans. He liked to pull the craziest stunts to take down titans, and it almost always worked. 

 

Changkyun was okay. Through the years that he and Kihyun had been in the Scouts Regiment, Changkyun had been left with three missing toes, half a pinky, a few dislocated shoulders, and a terrible knee injury that left him with a permanent limp. His fiery passion always kept him going, even when Kihyun had told him countless of times that it was better to quit before he actually died. 

 

But Changkyun insisted. He was okay. He was always okay. He always came back. He always rose from the shadows, from the dust and the debris. 

 

Until one day, he did not.

  
  
  
  
  


Kihyun did the turn smoothly and landed a few buildings in front of Changkyun and a few buildings behind where the others had stopped (They must have heard Changkyun scream). “You okay?” He yelled out towards Changkyun.

 

Changkyun nodded after a few seconds, “yeah, it’s just a scrape.” He was taking deep breaths while grabbing his shoulder. “I just need to-” Changkyun put the elbow of his injured arm into his side, above the hip, and put his hand out straight. With his other arm, he moved the injured arm away from the side of the body, elbow still in place, and then moved his back. He had a face of pain throughout the whole process but once he was done, his shoulders slumped and he smirked. “There!” He moved the injured shoulder in a circular motion.

 

Kihyun knew what he had just done. “Hey, your shoulder was dislocated?!” He yelled out. 

“It’s okay,” Changkyun sent him a thumb up using the injured arm, “I fixed it!” 

 

Kihyun frowned, “you idiot! That could’ve been dangerous! Do you have any ide-”

 

“Kihyun!” Kihyun heard Hoseok yelled from behind him. Kihyun turned towards him and saw Hoseok looking at him in concern. Minhyuk and Jooheon above him were pointing at the roof of the buildings lateral to Kihyun. Kihyun turned to look at where they were pointing. He turned and turned until he landed on the roofs lateral to where Changkyun was. He gasped.

 

A titan. 

 

It looked like an abnormal titan. Crawling in all fours; deep, ugly frown in his face; large, angry eyes, and long, matted, brown hair. It was on the roof, where titans should not be. Kihyun had been so focused on Changkyun that he had not noticed it. It had its eyes set on Changkyun, and it looked ready to attack. 

 

“Changkyun!” Kihyun yelled towards his little brother. Changkyun looked at the titan and gasped when the creature pounced off the roof. 

 

The titan crashed into the area Changkyun was at. Kihyun screamed Changkyun’s name in absolute terror. He heard the building collapsing, dust piling in the air. He stopped breathing, and his heartbeat spiked up so much that it was all Kihyun could hear for the seconds that followed, long seconds that could have lasted until eternity had Kihyun not seen two hooks from an ODM shoot out from the dust of the debris and attach themselves to the building opposite of where the titan had crashed. 

 

Changkyun came out of the debris, seemingly unscathed, and landed on the other building. He was breathing hard and his eyes were wide. Kihyun breathed again, deep, just so he could scream Changkyun’s name one more time. “Changkyun!” Changkyun looked at him, eyes wide and still panting. There were a few markings in his face but overall, he looked okay. “Are you okay?” Kihyun yelled out. He heard the others move near him. 

 

Changkyun nodded, “yeah, real fucking shaken, but good.” 

 

Kihyun allowed himself to breathe a sigh of relief. Changkyun was okay, as always.

 

There was the sound of movement in the debris. Changkyun turned his head towards the sound and so did Kihyun. As the debris dust cleared, Kihyun could see that the creature still had its eyes on Changkyun. What a horrid creature. All its limbs were right-angled; its hands and feet faced away from the body. It was a wonder to Kihyun how it moved, but he did not care enough to think about it. 

 

“Changkyun, don’t move,” Kihyun said. 

 

“What?” Changkyun yelled back, not moving his vision away from the titan. 

 

Kihyun did not have enough time. The titan was probably not attacking yet because it was injured. It would be healed in no time. Kihyun looked around him. He saw Hyunwoo a little above him, staring at the scene intently. “Hyunwoo, can you go after it?” Hyunwoo was the most skilled. He was adept to go after an abnormal titan.

 

“I fear I don’t have gas, dammit,” Hyunwoo gritted his teeth. “I’ll still go!” 

 

Hyunwoo squatted down to jump off when Kihyun yelled, “don’t! It’s too risky.” Kihyun would sacrifice a lot for Changkyun, but he still had to be smart, and sacrificing their leader was a bad idea.

 

“I’ll go!” Jooheon, who was bellow Kihyun, yelled and squatted down to jump. 

 

“No! I’ve got this!” Changkyun yelled.

 

“Changkyun, don’t do anything stupid!” Kihyun yelled back. 

 

At that moment, the titan moved, jumping into the air towards Changkyun. Changkyun jumped in time. 

 

Changkyun was suspended in the air, and he did not move. “What is he doing?” Kihyun muttered to himself as he watched Changkyun. Changkyun was looking down at his equipment. He hit one of the cylinder gas as gravity started to take its toll on Changkyun, making him fall. 

 

At that moment, Kihyun’s eyes locked with Changkyun. He looked terrified. 

 

Kihyun’s eyes widened, “it’s out of air.” He looked down at Jooheon, “Jooheon!” 

 

“Shit!” Jooheon yelled and jumped off, retracting the hooks and shooting them towards where the titan was. Minhyuk and Hoseok followed him. 

 

The titan turned its head towards a falling Changkyun. It pounced again. It opened its mouth as if to try to grab Changkyun with its mouth but instead of being able to do that, it head-butted Changkyun, sending him crashing towards the debris of the building that it had crashed into when it first attacked. 

 

Kihyun screamed again. He felt tears sting the sides of his eyes. 

 

The titan crashed into the ground near the remains of the building, causing more debris to fall. Its nape was left bare as it layed in the ground. Jooheon moved to attack, and in one swift motion, while the titan was getting up, he sliced right through the nape, rendering the titan motionless. 

 

And just like that, it was over.

 

For the most part.

 

“Dammit, we should’ve been faster,” Jooheon yelled after he landed in a building next to the collapsed one. 

 

Kihyun did not hear if Jooheon had anything else to say. He moved towards the dust and the debris. All the dust made it hard to see. Kihyun thought that he had heard someone call out his name and for his safety but Kihyun could care less. He had to find Changkyun. That was his first priority.

 

“Changkyun!” Kihyun yelled when he landed at the base of the former building. The titan’s landing here had been so rough that most of the entire building had collapsed. Buildings in this area were older in general, so that might have aided its collapse, too. 

 

Kihyun waited a few seconds for an answer. He received none. “Changkyun!” He yelled more desperately and started moving, hoping that he would find Changkyun somewhere, trapped but with a smile still on his face. 

 

The ground was uneven. Planks of wood, cement, and rocks made Kihyun trip many times as he called Changkyun’s name. Every call became more desperate. “I hope you’re not playing a game with me, Changkyun. This isn’t funny,” Kihyun said out loud before biting his bottom lip. He was close to running around and losing his cool. Changkyun was playful but never in these situations. If he had not answered Kihyun yet, he was hurt, badly. “Changkyun!” 

 

It only took a few more steps deeper into the ruined building for Kihyun to find Changkyun. 

 

He was half buried under rubble. One of this arms was out and looked broken in three places. His mouth was slightly opened and his eyes were closed. There was blood. There was a lot of blood. 

 

Kihyun ran to him yelling his name. He almost tripped on top of Changkyun once he reached him. He wanted to touch Changkyun, to help in some way, but he was scared of making it worse.

 

Changkyun’s condition was terrible. From what Kihyun could see, Changkyun was bleeding from his head. The blood pooling around him started at a gash on his head. There was blood pooling inside of his mouth, too. Who knew what was happening under the rubble that covered his lower body?

 

Tears started falling down Kihyun’s face, “Changkyunnie, no.” His hands were shaking, but he focused them on clearing out the rubble that covered Changkyun. “Stay with me. I’ll get you out of here. We’ll be okay,” Kihyun sniffed, turning his attention towards the rubble. 

 

Someone landed behind him. Kihyun did not care who it was. He was too busy digging and moving rubble and needing to get Changkyun out. The person ran towards him and kneeled next to Kihyun and started helping Kihyun dig out the rubble. Kihyun looked at him. It was Hoseok. 

 

Hoseok looked back at him. “Please, help me get him out,” Kihyun muttered quietly as if speaking any louder would harm Changkyun in some way. 

 

Hoseok nodded, “the others are waiting outside. We need to get out of here soon. What’s left of this building might collapse soon.” He looked up and Kihyun followed his gaze. The building's second and third floor were almost all gone, but there were still parts that could fall on them. Kihyun turned back to Changkyun and started moving the debris with more vigor. 

 

Hoseok helped Kihyun move the heavier parts and once Changkyun was almost free, he moved until he was behind Changkyun’s head. Hoseok gently put his hands on the pulses of Changkyun’s neck. Kihyun paused to watch him. Hoseok stayed still for a second before looking at Kihyun with a frown and pity in his eyes.

 

Kihyun did not want to hear what he had to say. “He’s almost free,” Kihyun looked away and finished pulling and pushing all the debris he could. “We have to pull him out!” Kihyun turned back to Hoseok. Kihyun could barely see him. His eyes were blurry with tears. 

 

Hoseok sighed and gingerly placed his hands on Changkyun’s triceps by his armpits. He pulled Changkyun out of the rest of the debris. Kihyun looked at the rest of his little brother’s body and gasped. One leg was twisted the wrong way by the knee, and he had been impaled by something on his side by his hip. 

 

“Changkyunnie, no,” Kihyun crawled towards Changkyun’s head, which was now laying on Hoseok’s lap, and cupped his cheek. “Please, wake up. You have to wake up.” He put a hand on the gash in Changkyun’s side, in a vain attempt to stop the bleeding.

 

“Kihyunnie,” Hoseok said softly as he ran a hand through Changkyun’s hair, “let’s carry him out. We’ll examine him outside. It’s not safe to be here.”

 

Kihyun nodded quickly, sniffling and trying to keep calm. “Okay, okay,” he muttered to himself, taking a deep breath and coughing it out. He moved to the other side of Changkyun to make it easier to cover the bleeding wound and put one firm arm under Changkyun’s legs. He mentally apologized for the pain Changkyun will feel by moving his injured legs. 

 

Hoseok counted to three with his hands on Changkyun’s triceps and the both of them lifted Changkyun up and quickly got out of the building. 

 

They laid Changkyun on the middle of the street. It was not like they had to worry about carriages or anything. The other squad members quickly came to them. Minhyuk and Jooheon kneeled on opposite sides of Hoseok and Hyunwoo kneeled across from Kihyun while Hyungwon was next to him. 

 

“His condition is critical, but I don’t know how much,” Kihyun started saying. His voice sounded far away to him, like it was not his own, as if he was hearing someone speak underwater. “He’s bleeding from two distinct places as far as I could tell and he was unconscious when I found him.”  

 

Minhyuk put his hands on Changkyun’s chest, and Jooheon put his fingers on the pulses of Changkyun’s neck. Hyunwoo grabbed Changkyun’s wrist and Hyungwon tried to help Kihyun with the wound. Minhyuk, Jooheon, and Hoseok shared a long look. Jooheon moved his fingers from Changkyun’s neck to his nostrils, and he stayed like that for a few more seconds. 

 

Kihyun narrowed his eyes, “what are you guys trying to do? I need help here! I don’t know what to do! I can barely stop the bleeding on his side!” 

 

Jooheon sighed and shared another look with Minhyuk and Hoseok. Hoseok gave a single nod before looking down. The three of them retracted their hands away from Changkyun, all looking down. Hyunwoo followed. 

 

Kihyun took shallow breaths, “what are you guys do-?”

 

“We’re sorry, Kihyun,” Jooheon said softly, not looking at Kihyun. 

 

“What? Why?” Kihyun looked at them. Hyungwon slowly retracted his hands. “We have to help him. We have to…” He sounded unsure of himself the more he spoke. 

 

“Kihyun,” Minhyuk started, “he’s gone.” 

 

Kihyun felt every nerve in his body react, refusing. He shook his head, “no, he isn’t.” He let go of Changkyun’s wound and cupped Changkyun’s face, “he isn’t. Changkyun, wake up. Please, wake up. Don’t leave me. You can’t leave me. You can’t be dead.” He connected his forehead with Changkyun’s, “please, you promised…” He let out a quiet sob as one hand trailed down to his neck to check Changkyun’s pulse, to prove to everyone that he was alive and just in dire need of help. 

 

Kihyun found no pulse. 

 

It was over.

 

His sobs became louder and he shook his head. He refused to believe it. Changkyun had been fine a few seconds ago. All he had wrong was an injured shoulder, but he was still smiling. Then he was terrified, but he was still here. Now he was gone. 

 

Kihyun was alone. 

 

“Kihyunnie,” Hoseok reached forward and put a hand on Kihyun’s shoulder.

 

“Leave me alone!” Kihyun jerked away from it. He wrapped his arms around Changkyun’s torso, “he can’t be dead. He can’t be.” 

 

“We’re so sorry,” Minhyuk said, sniffling.

 

Kihyun felt sick to his stomach. 

 

He gritted his teeth and closed his eyes tightly as tightly as he held on to Changkyun. No one said anything else. No one tried to comfort him. Kihyun almost forgot that he was outside surrounded by his squad members in a city infested by titans. It was just him and Changkyun - Changkyun’s  _ body  _ \- surrounding by complete darkness, complete nothingness. 

 

Kihyun’s entire body shook as he tried to contain his tears. In the end, he failed and a whimpered sob came out. Kihyun brought a hand to his mouth to stop his crying from being too loud but it failed. Kihyun felt his tears run over his hand. 

 

Changkyun had been there Kihyun’s entire life. Kihyun could not remember a period in his life where Changkyun was not there. Flashbacks from their childhood together flashed through Kihyun’s mind. The first time Kihyun had skidded his knee and refused to stand up, crying, and Changkyun had carried him back home. The time when Kihyun had pushed Changkyun into the river that ran near their village; it got them in severe trouble with the authorities but it was completely worth it. When Changkyun was having troubles in his love life so he went to Kihyun for advice even though Kihyun had never liked anyone in his life. When Kihyun stole a couple of bottles of alcohol from his father and went to the roof of Changkyun’s home to get drunk with him. 

 

Changkyun was not meant to not be in Kihyun’s life. 

 

And now, he would not be there for the rest of Kihyun’s life. 

 

Kihyun shook his head, “no, this is unfair.” 

 

The ground shook beneath him. 

 

“Titan,” Minhyuk said, “we need to get out of here.” 

 

Kihyun shook his head again. He did not bother opening his eyes to look around, “no, I’m not moving. I’m not leaving him.” 

 

“It’s right there,” Minhyuk said, “we need to leave.”

 

“Kihyun,” Hyunwoo spoke up.

 

“No!” Kihyun turned and glared at Hyunwoo with teary eyes, “I’m not going anywhere!”

 

“Can we fight it?” Minhyuk asked. Kihyun heard him stand up.

 

“All my blades are broken,” Jooheon said. 

 

“I think I’m running out of gas,” Hyungwon said.

 

“Same here,” Hyunwoo said. 

 

“Yeah,” Hoseok muttered. 

 

“I can go alone,” Minhyuk said.

 

“Don’t risk it. We’re getting out of here,” Hyunwoo said. “Kihyun,” he sighed, “I’m sorry but we need to go.”

 

“No,” Kihyun turned to Changkyun, “I’m not going.” 

 

“Kihyun, that’s an order,” Hyunwoo commanded. 

 

“Fuck your orders!” Kihyun yelled, turning back to Hyunwoo, “he’s dead! I can’t leave him!”

 

Hyunwoo sighed. His fingers were fidgety, and the sides of his lips were pulling into a frown even though he was trying to keep a neutral face, “Hoseok, take him. We’re leaving.” He stood up. Everyone but Kihyun and Hoseok (and Changkyun) followed.

 

“What about Changkyun?” Hoseok asked.

 

Hyunwoo did not answer instantaneously. Kihyun watched him ball his hands into fists. “We can’t take him with us,” he said softly. “We have to go,” he said more loudly.

 

“You don’t mean-” Kihyun paused, his eyes widening, “you can’t be serious!”

 

“Hoseok, take him. Let’s go!” Hyunwoo released the hooks of his ODM and took flight. All followed him after a second of hesitation. 

 

“No!” Kihyun yelled as he felt Hoseok grab him before releasing his ODM. 

 

Up in the air, Kihyun held onto Hoseok for fear of falling but he still struggled out of anger. He watched as Changkyun’s abandoned body became smaller with distance. “Changkyun!” He yelled, one arm wrapping around Hoseok’s shoulders while the other reached out to Changkyun. 

 

The titan was nearer than Kihyun had first thought, though Kihyun had thought anything about the titan. Around six meters tall and far too close to Changkyun for Kihyun’s liking. He struggled against Hoseok again. He needed to break free. He needed to get Changkyun out of there. 

 

The titan noticed Changkyun. It leaned down and grabbed Changkyun with one arm. 

 

“Changkyun! No! It has Changkyun!” Kihyun yelled. He watched as the monster lifted Changkyun’s body up. Kihyun felt like he was watching it in slow motion. In one motion, the titan put Changkyun into its mouth and bit into him. 

 

Kihyun let out the most piercing scream. Hoseok recoiled. “Kill it! It got Changkyun! I want it dead!” Kihyun gritted his teeth. His fingers dug into Hoseok’s shoulders.

 

Kihyun heard Hyunwoo groan near him, “Minhyuk!” 

 

“Got it!” Minhyuk turned back around and towards the titan. 

 

After watching Minhyuk head towards the titan, Kihyun hid his face on Hoseok’s shoulder. He had full trust that Minhyuk was going to end that monster. He did not need to see it die. It was already as good as dead to him. He gripped tightly to Hoseok and all of his strong, negative emotions washed over him again, leaving him only able to cry and cry again. 

  
  
  
  
  


The next hours were a blur. They had made it to the castle compound with no more issues. Hoseok had taken Kihyun into one of the corners of a room where soldiers were passing out gas cylinders to the scouts and sat him down. “Stay here,” he said, “no one will bother you here. You’ll be okay.” He had his hands on Kihyun’s upper arms and he gently squeezed them, “we have to go back, but you can stay here until we return.” He let go of Kihyun and shifted to leave.

 

Kihyun gasped and grabbed on to Hoseok’s wrist, “where are you going? Please, don’t go.” His eyes started to water at the fear of losing Hoseok, too. 

 

Hoseok smiled softly, painfully, and grabbed Kihyun’s hands, giving them a long kiss, “we’ll be back when this ends today. Wait for us, okay?” His eyes were puffy and glassy, and Hoseok looked ready to break down and mourn Changkyun, but he was a good soldier, and he needed to be back in the field. 

 

Kihyun knew that. Kihyun wished he could be like that, so he let Hoseok go.

 

Hoseok sighed softly. He cupped Kihyun’s cheek and kissed his forehead before going away. The room was too busy for them to be noticed. 

 

Kihyun did not know how long he stayed put, watching people give out orders and cylinders crash to the ground. The only thing on his mind was the sounds of him calling out Changkyun’s name for the last few times. He refused to imagine anything. He could not have a breakdown here, could not interrupt the work of these people. His problems were not theirs, and it was a miracle that they never questioned his presence in the room in the first place. 

 

When the sky above the windows had turned a yellow-orange hue, Kihyun stood up. He moved towards the other soldiers and started helping them out with equipment. He needed to make himself useful, because wallowing in his pain and sorrow will not bring Changkyun back, and he was still a soldier, dammit. His quad was out there risking their lives, and here he was, brooding. This would have not been what Changkyun wanted, and Kihyun was not about to make himself the weak link in his group. 

 

Running around with gas cylinders kept his mind occupied, too. 

 

For a good few minutes, Kihyun had forgotten that Changkyun was gone. 

  
  
  
  
  


His squad returned sometime after sunset. Kihyun spotted them in the castle's main hall, where the entire regiment had gathered for counting before they were to be split into separate rooms. All remaining five members were there, intact - for the most part. Hyungwon was holding his arm and Minhyuk was leaning against Hyunwoo with his left foot lifted; his ankle was most likely sprained. Kihyun moved towards them, breaking through the crowd and pushing away anyone that was in his way. 

 

Kihyun paused a few feet away from them and stared at them. This was them from now on. They were six now - until someone else was added or someone else died. Kihyun half expected Changkyun to have his back leaning against the stone wall, with his arms crossed and a smirk on his face as he saw Kihyun approaching. Changkyun was gone, no more, chewed up by some worthless titan. 

 

That image flashed through his head. Kihyun had been trying to avoid it all afternoon. His shoulder slumped. He frowned and his hands started to shake. He really did not want to cry again. He had cried enough. Crying would not bring Changkyun back. 

 

Hoseok was the one who noticed him. He had been engaging in a conversation with Hyunwoo and Minhyuk. His eyes were looking around before they landed on Kihyun. Kihyun wondered if he had been looking for him. 

 

Hoseok walked towards Kihyun, disregarding the conversation he had been having. Once near Kihyun, Hoseok brought him into a close hug, wrapping one arm around Kihyun’s upper back and the other on his lower back and resting his head on Kihyun’s shoulder. Kihyun gasped softly, but he did not move to hug Hoseok back. His vision started to become blurred. 

 

Kihyun blurrily saw Minhyuk moving, limping his way towards them. “Oh, Kihyun…” he said softly before hugging both Kihyun and Hoseok. Everyone else followed, and in a few seconds, Kihyun was surrounded by his squad members. His strong facade faded completely, and he hugged Hoseok back, crying into his shoulder. 

 

They stayed like that until they were separated into rooms. 

  
  
  
  
  


“We die in vain,” Kihyun suddenly said. He was sitting on the window ledge of the room, looking at the full moon above. He could not sleep, but staying awake was causing him to think and think and think, and dark thoughts were slipping through.

 

Hoseok had been writing letters to his family inside Wall Sina on the desk at the corner of the room. His family was one of the lucky ones. They never suffered loss. He paused and turned to look at Kihyun, “Kihyunnie, you… you shouldn’t say that…”

 

Kihyun glared at him. They had been placed in the same room tonight - mostly because of Hoseok’s insistence of not wanting to leave Kihyun alone. Hoseok was not supposed to be there. Changkyun was supposed to be there. Changkyun was the only one who had shared a room with Kihyun. He was supposed to be laying on his bed with a hand over his eyes, commenting on today’s occurrences and what could happen tomorrow. He was supposed to be joking and laughing, not dead, floating in the stomach acid of some titan. 

 

“We do,” Kihyun stood up, fully facing Hoseok. “We die in vain! We’ve died in vain for too many years now! There was no reason! We discovered nothing! We changed nothing! Wall Maria is still down! There was no reason for that titan to focus only on Changkyun! He died-” Kihyun choked on his own whisper. He looked down and put a hand under his eye to stop the tears from falling, “there was no reason for him to die, and I hate it so much. One stupid malfunction and he’s gone forever…” He covered his eyes. He was crying again, and he felt pathetic. 

 

Kihyun heard Hoseok sigh. He heard the scrape of the chair against the wooden floor and Hoseok walking towards him. Kihyun was enveloped in a hug. He leaned against Hoseok, and Hoseok rubbed circles into his back. “We finished clearing the city of titans today. Changkyun personally took some of those suckers out, right?” Kihyun nodded slowly. “Many people and families will be thankful towards him for that. Hopefully soon, some people's lives will return to normal because of Changkyun’s help. He also helped avenge people’s lives, didn’t he? Those titans killed people and Changkyun ended each and every one in return. He didn’t die in vain. He’s helped.” Hoseok hugged Kihyun tighter, “fuck, I wish he was still here, too.” He started crying. 

 

Kihyun’s anger dissipated a little bit. Tears were still streaming down his face but he had stopped sobbing. He hugged Hoseok back, “we should try to go to bed.” 

 

Hoseok nodded after a few seconds and let go of Kihyun. He walked towards the desk to blow out the singular lit candle there. In the meantime, Kihyun had crawled into the bed that sat on the right corner of the room. There was another one on the lateral wall. “Please… stay with me tonight,” Kihyun patted the area of the bed next to him. The bed was too small for the two of them. Kihyun did not care. 

 

Hoseok agreed and got into bed next to Kihyun. They easily fell into another hug. Kihyun’s head rested on the nook of Hoseok’s neck, and their legs tangled themselves together. Kihyun wondered if Hoseok was really falling asleep, because Kihyun really could not himself. His chest was tight from all of his emotions and feelings and he really felt like he was about to explode. 

 

“Hoseok, I love you,” Kihyun suddenly said. He felt Hoseok stiffen up next to him. “I know it’s probably the worst fucking moment to say it but I do, and I’m terrified that, if I don’t say it now, I’ll never have the chance,” he whimpered.

 

“Kihyunnie…” Hoseok whispered, moving a hand across his back.

 

“I can’t bear the thought of losing you, too,” Kihyun breathed. “Please, don’t leave me, too. Say you’ll stay with me.” 

 

Hoseok gently ran his hands across Kihyun’s body until he reached Kihyun’s chin, pulling his face upwards until they were looking at each other eye-to-eye, “never, I would never leave. I promise I’ll stay with you.” He leaned down and kissed Kihyun’s lips.

 

Kihyun hit Hoseok’s chest, causing Hoseok to break the kiss, “a promise isn’t worth shit in our lives. Just say you’ll never leave me, please.” He scooted close to Hoseok again, putting himself in a position where his head laid on Hoseok’s chest. 

 

Hoseok ran a hand through Kihyun’s hair, kissing the top of his head, “I love you, too, Kihyunnie. I’ll never leave you.”

 

Kihyun nodded slowly. A stray tear fell. Kihyun hoped it would be the last one. He doubted it. “I’ll never leave you, too.” With that, he closed his eyes and hoped to fall asleep.

  
  
  
  
  


“Do you like Hoseok?” Changkyun asked Kihyun one sunny afternoon when they were chopping wood to get ready for dinner later that night. 

 

“Yeah,” Kihyun said as he hacked a small log. “He’s nice,” he continued. They were inside Wall Rose, which could be seen in the distance from where they were camping for the night. Tomorrow they would head inside wall Maria, into the fallen districts to try and clean them up of titans. 

 

Changkyun dropped the head of the axe on the ground and leaned against its wooden body. “You know what I mean,” he smirked. 

 

Kihyun glanced at him as he grabbed one of the log halves and set it on the wood stump. “We have no time for such feelings,” he hacked into that half mercilessly. 

 

“So you do like him?” Changkyun asked instead. 

 

Kihyun sighed, looking into the splintered wood. He hit it wrong, “it’s not like it would matter anyways.” 

 

“But you do like him?” Changkyun leaned forward with an eyebrow raised. He was too far away from Kihyun, so it did not make a difference in Kihyun’s personal space.

 

“Changkyun!” Kihyun glared at him.

 

“What?” Changkyun laughed. He lifted his axe off the ground. “I’m just asking,” he grabbed a log, setting it upright. “It’s totally okay if you like him. He obviously likes you back, I mean,” he scoffed and hacked into the log, “it doesn’t take a genius to see that.” 

 

Kihyun sighed, “I’d rather not.” He pushed the pieces away from the stump and grabbed the half that still needed to be cut. “Our lives are always being threatened. It’s not smart to start something with him.” 

 

Changkyun hummed, “I get it, but… don’t you think that… that because of that, you should be something?” Kihyun looked at him with a raised eyebrow. Changkyun looked at him and smiled, “I get that you’re trying to protect your feelings in case of tragedy, but don’t you think that you might regret it if you don’t become anything?”

 

Kihyun laughed and looked away and towards the log. “I don’t know, maybe. I’m too scared to find out,” he hacked into the log. 

 

“I’d say go for it,” Changkyun said, cutting a half into two pieces. “It might turn out good. I’ll be here to support you guys. The whole squad will, but still… and if it doesn’t work out, well, I will still be here, and I’ll beat him up for breaking your heart.” He cut the other half into two pieces. 

 

Kihyun laughed and dropped his axe on the ground. The sky was pretty. The sunset was arriving, so there were pretty yellow hues painting the sky. Kihyun walked towards Changkyun. “I know,” he put an arm around Changkyun’s shoulder. “I know you’ll always be there for me,” they smiled at each other. “Man, what would I do without you?” Kihyun ruffled Changkyun’s hair with his knuckles. 

 

Changkyun pushed him away. A smile was still on his face, “I don’t know. Probably die.”

 

“Probably,” Kihyun nodded. “Promise you’ll never leave then?” He stuck his pinky out.

 

Changkyun smiled at him, wrapping his pinky around Kihyun’s, “promise.” 

 

**Author's Note:**

> hahahaha when I told my friend on this fic, she said that I never did Changkyun justice in any of my fics. Hopefully next time he will be babied the fuck out of bc Lord knows he deserves it.  
> This is an idea I've had since 2015 but I never wrote because I never thought that I could give it justice. I still think that I did not give it justice. AOT is such a complex universe and it's too vast for me. I tried my best though, and Kihomonthly August Film/TV gave me the motivation to actually write this.  
> I apologize for any mistakes, grammar or otherwise!  
> I'm glad to finish this now as university started again and I am sad about that. I won't have too much time to write fics but I will still try to be here again soon.  
> I don't really have much to say here. Thank you very much for reading. Tell me what you think if you want! Kudos if you'd like! I hope it was not too terrible but what do I know lol  
> Until next time, bye-bye!


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